I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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