Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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