So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
