I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
