Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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