I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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