watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
