They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
