I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
