How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
