Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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