No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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