I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I checked into jail on foursquare
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
