"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
