I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
