Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize