He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
