i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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