I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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