bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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