Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
