Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
