I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
