I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
