I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
