and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
third nipple confirmed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
