she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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