mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
