okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
