ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
