I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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