Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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