I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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