I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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