if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
