Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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