I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
