Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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