In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
