So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
