I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
