he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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