That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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