So drunk its hurt
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
