you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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