did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
