I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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