I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
