i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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