cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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