Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
