Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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