allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
