I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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