she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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