we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Are my feet made of real feet?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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