he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
