My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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