Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
