I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
