Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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